Can't Believe I'll be HOME soon!

THE DREAM:
I had this dream last night that I came back to the States and was super depressed about it. I thought I would be happy but once I arrived, all I wanted to do was get on a plane and return to France. I went out with two of my best g-friends (Amy and Joscelyn) and just had a miserable time. In the dream I was so confused as to why I was miserable when I wanted so terribly to come home. All I wanted was someone to speak French with, little bakeries (patisseries), small cars, French signs, baguettes, small dogs, being hit on 20 times a day, you know...French things.

My dreams always amaze me because most of the time they are such a true reflection of the emotions that I may currently be feeling. I do have terribly mixed feelings about leaving one of my favorite places on Earth and I'm so frightened of the culture shock and depression that are sure to hit me upon re-entry into my home country.

A POSSIBLE PLAN:
As I'm approaching my final days (5 to be exact) in Amiens, I have a friend who's mother is here. They are renting a car today to do some travelling between now (May 26th) and May 30th. That's only 3 or 4 days. They'd like to hit Mont St. Michel, which is supposed to be this amazingly beautiful town, Paris, and...my beloved - Marseille. I would like nothing more than to go with them but the timing just stinks. Marseille is the reason that I fell in LOVE with France and it's right along the Mediteranean Sea, of COURSE, I want to go but it just seems like it would be too rushed and hectic and expensive. I have lots of packing to do, things to return and cancel, an event here on the 28th that I could go to, and more tutoring (more money and time with my favorite French children).
-So....What should I do? Save these travels for another time? We all know I will be here again...Cramm in as much as possible and risk being stressed out?

and finally...
THE MORROCAN
I'm sure you've been wondering....So here is the story.

I met him in a supermarket. He was checkin' me out in the check out line. My friend noticed it before I did and made sure to tell me so I looked over and saw him. We made eye contact and couldn't take our eyes off of each other. He mouthed the words "I'll wait outside for you" and I said "OK." After I purchased my things, there he was..He cleverly introduced himself and we exchanged numbers. I left with my friends and not even hours later he sent me text telling me I have the most beautiful smile and he'd like to see me later if I will make time for him. He called several times but I didn't answer...you know, playing hard to get...

But I didn't play too hard. I saw him that same nite, met his friends and then left for Paris the next day. Over weeks, I got to know an amazing, brilliant, intelligent, sensitive, attractive, funny, stylish young man. Fluent in 4 languages, already beginning a very lucrative career as an engineer at the age of 23, and very, very mature.

AND THEN......after 2 months he tells me about the arranged marriage. My heart sank. I was in disbelief. WHAT??? HOW??? In this day and age? He told me that he told the girl about me and that his father knew as well but because of the family business and his father's plans for it, he HAS to marry this girl. He doesn't want to. He's not in love with her. It's business. Like in the old days. He apologized to me for being irresponsible with me and my feelings. I was beside myself. I've developed feelings for this man that I will never be with. Uggghhhhh....
So.
The last 2 months have been quite interesting. We're trying to be friends and it's just too difficult for me. He is able to turn his emotions on and off like a switch...It's the business side of him. I, on the other hand, live and breathe my emotions, probably to a fault.

He has been there for me more than anyone else here. He's helped me with my French, with papers and homework, he's listened to me when I'm sad, sends me funny texts when I'm far away and made me feel like maybe I could really trust a man. He made me feel safe.

I don't know what will happen when I leave. It doesn't seem appropriate for me to stay in contact with a man who will be engaged this summer and married soon after. And I have to dispose of these feelings...

He says he will always be there for me, whatever I need. He has an apartment in Lille and will be going to school there next semester to become a doctor. He said he will help me when I come there to go to school.
I'm not sure I will. And, I think it will be only more difficult for me to see him. I must move on.

So. There you have it. Questions? Comments? Call....just kidding. I'd love to hear what you think. Thanks for reading.
Bisous,
Rene